


Say you'll love me forever.

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x12, Angst, Dean - Freeform, Dean Winchester - Freeform, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Gay, Happy Ending, Healing, Home, I Love You, Impala, Kissing, Love, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Sad, Sad Dean, Supernatural - Freeform, angel - Freeform, cas, casdean - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, concerned Cas, hurting, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10053128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: "I love you."But Dean loves Castiel too, so much that it hurt his broken little heart.-takes place right after 12x12-





	

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short 12x12 has me fucked up. 
> 
> Also Dean loves Cas.

I love you. 

That voice speaking those words drove Dean crazy. 

It played in his mind, over and over almost as if it was set on repeat and he couldn't get it out of his head. 

Dean vividly remembers Cas staring into his eyes as he spoke those words. 

Dean thought that Cas was speaking to him and only him. 

I love all of you. 

Dean felt kind of crushed. Here he was, thinking that Cas had just confessed his love for him. 

Dean should've known he wasn't that lucky. 

They were all back at the bunker now and Dean was outside in the darkness, all alone. 

Cas was probably resting, his strength was still lower than normal, and Sam was doing God only knows what. 

It didn't matter though, what did matter were the thoughts that poked and prodded at Dean's brain. 

He loved Cas. 

He has loved Cas for quite a while. 

Cas didn't love him, not in that way. Not in the way Dean wanted Cas to love him. 

Dean inhaled deeply, the fresh outside air usually calmed his overactive brain.

It didn't work, instead his lungs seemed to burn.

Cas didn't love him like that. 

Why did this hurt so bad. 

Was he overthinking everything?

He leans back against the hood of the impala before looking up at the stars. The sky was clear, small dots of light were littering it and the almost full moon cast a blueish glow over everything. 

It was chilly outside but Dean didn't mind the cold, the only warmth he could ever want is Cas. 

But Cas didn't love him like that. 

He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling so down, like he was stuck in a pit of darkness and he couldn't get out. 

His heart ached, every beat felt like a throbbing pain. 

He just wanted it to stop, he didn't want to feel this way. 

Why'd he have to go falling in love with Cas? He mentally yells at himself. 

The answer was simple. 

Cas was nothing but pure beauty and selflessness. Cas was perfect, on both the inside and out. 

Dean let his eyes fall closed as he thought of the angel.

Azure eyes and raven hair flashed through his mind, giving him chills. 

Cas was so effortlessly beautiful and he had a heart of pure gold. 

Dean opened his eyes again and stared at the sky.

The cold air turned foggy as he exhaled, the temperature was starting to bug him but he didn't want to go inside and face Cas. 

Especially as tears burned his eyes, a single drop fell from his eye and slid down his cheek, the warmth contrasting with his icy feeling skin. 

He suddenly looked down at the ground, the stars reminded him too much of the sparkle in Cas' diamond eyes. 

His throat seemed to close off as he choked back a small sob. 

He had no idea why this hurt so bad or why he was crying. But he didn't care, nobody was around to see him. 

"Dammit." He mumbles to himself, his voice wavering as he roughly wiped his tears away. 

It was useless, they continued falling. 

He loved Cas. 

He really loved Cas. 

The sadder he got the colder it felt. His skin was almost numb and it didn't help that he was leaning against the cold surface of the impala. 

He sighed as a few snowflakes fell.

He just wanted Cas so badly. 

He wanted Cas to hug him and hold his hand and cuddle him at night... 

He wanted Cas to take drives with him and go on stupid cheesy dates with him and give him soft kisses... 

He wanted Cas to watch sunsets with him and he wanted Cas to look at him with those big beautiful blue eyes and tell him how much he loves him...

He wanted Cas to hold him when he was upset and he wanted Cas to make everything all better because he was the only one that could...

He wanted Cas to kiss him and make love to him and do all of those stupid sappy things that couples do. 

He just wanted Cas. 

Another sob shook his body and his breathing faltered. 

The lump in his throat grew as he cried harder. 

He didn't care anymore, he let audible sobs and whimpers go. He was alone out here anyway- as always. 

Dean wanted nothing more at the moment- than to have Cas hold him.

He shivered as the wind started blowing, the snow was starting to stick to the ground. 

The frost frozen grass crunched under his feet as he shifted. 

Why was he so alone?

Why couldn't Cas just love him?

Why couldn't he stop crying?

Dean couldn't help but mentally scream 'why' a few times. 

Could something good happen to him for once? He wonders. 

He wipes at his eyes again, they felt irritated from the cold wind and the consistent flow of tears. 

He wraps his arms around himself as he sinks to the ground, he leans back against the impala.

What was he supposed to do?

He just felt this emptiness in his stomach and this huge weight on his chest. Oxygen seemed to suffocate him and tears seemed to burn his skin like fire.

He hugs his knees to his chest before burying his face in his arms. 

He couldn't help the faint whimper of Cas' name that fell from his lips with the next sob. 

This hurt so bad. 

He felt empty, cold, lost, tired, and so so alone. 

He just wanted to fall asleep in Cas' arms, with his head on Cas' chest listening to his soothing and rhythmic heartbeat. 

He curls in on himself even further when he hears the squeaky hinges of the bunkers front door opening. 

He wishes that he was just hearing things but he knew he wasn't. He could hear footsteps approaching, Dean was hidden by the impala but he wasn't invisible, he could easily be found. 

He didn't know if he'd rather it be Sam or Cas. Both of them would question the hell out of him for crying.

The footsteps got closer, he could probably be seen now. 

"Dean?" 

No. Dean thinks. No no no. 

Suddenly an even harder sob racked through him, it actually hurt because he couldn't breathe and he just had this deep ache in his heart. 

That voice triggered him, now all he could think was of earlier events. 

The vivid memory of 'I love you' smacked his brain once again. 

He could feel those blue eyes staring at him, he could imagine the confused look on that beautiful face.

Dean still couldn't stop tears from falling and he was still shaking. He was staring to feel a little nauseous if he was being honest. 

He kept trying to hide himself, he wishes he could just disappear. 

He jolts up when he feels a hand gently touch his shoulder. 

"It's okay, it's just me Dean-" Cas steps back when Dean rises to his feet. 

Dean was panicking, Cas' touch burned into his skin and he could still feel the tingling touch. He needed to get away.

"What's wrong?" Cas asks, he sounded very concerned. 

Dean still hasn't looked at him, his gaze was on the ground and his breathing was rapid as he internally panicked. 

Dean could imagine the look on Cas' face, his head probably did the cute little tilt thing and his eyes were probably squinted just a tad bit as he watched with concern. 

"Dean... What's the matter?" Cas asks, still concerned. 

Dean's fight or flight response just happened to kick in and he had the urge to run. 

Run away from the beautiful being in front of him. 

Run away from everything. 

With an aching heart and teary eyes he bolted into the woods, trying to get as far away from Cas as he could. 

"Dean!" He hears Cas yell after him. 

He knew Cas was running after him. 

He felt guilty since the guy literally almost died earlier but he wanted to be alone. 

He knew that Cas wouldn't use his mojo to teleport to him, he was trying to gain his strength back and he couldn't do that if he used his grace too much. 

So he just had to outrun him. 

His head was pounding and his throat felt dry. He momentarily thought that he was getting sick but it was just from crying- which he was still doing. 

For some reason he just couldn't stop, one little thought of Cas and he was sent over the edge again and another waterfall of tears fell.

He eventually got sick of running and he had no idea where he was, he hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, he was just trying to escape confrontation. 

His lungs were burning and his energy level was running low. He just wanted to collapse on the ground and be left alone to die. 

However Cas was still chasing after him so he couldn't stop. 

Dean thought of him again. His mind was instantly tangled up in thoughts of Cas. 

Dean emits a startled noise when he trips over a fallen tree branch before toppling to the ground. 

He somehow manages to hit his head off of something, his vision instantly blurs from the impact, and his ankle hurt because somehow his clumsy side thought it would be funny to make him twist it when he fell. 

He groans in pain before just giving up- sure he's had worse but he wasn't in the mood for this. 

He lays unmoving on the cold snow-dusted ground, there was no use in trying to run now. Cas was closing in on him quickly. 

Why couldn't he just disappear? He wonders again. 

"Dean?!" He hears a confused shout and seconds later Cas was kneeled down next to him. 

"Dean? Hey look at me-" Cas says, he shoves Dean over before grabbing his face in his hands. Cas notices the trickle of blood running down Dean's face, a small place on his forehead was split open. 

Dean just kept his eyes closed, he didn't want to look at Cas. He was in love enough already. 

"Please look at me." Cas begs. 

Dean slowly opens his eyes before looking up at Cas. 

His heart flips in his chest, even in the darkness Cas' eyes were the bluest blue. 

"No-" Dean mumbles when Cas tries to heal him, Dean shoves his hand away. 

"Dean you have a pretty bad concussion, I don't know what you smacked your head off of but-"

"You need to heal yourself. Don't worry about me." Dean says. 

"I'm fine Dean, I can get my strength back no problem. Now let me fix you." Cas demands before pressing his fingers to Dean's forehead. 

Dean instantly feels better- well physically. Mentally he still felt like crap. 

"C'mon." Cas pulls Dean up off of the ground. 

Dean just walks away quickly. His body burned everywhere Cas had touched him. 

"Dean! Hey-" Cas follows. What was wrong with Dean?

Eventually Dean reaches the impala again, this time Cas leaned with him. 

"Do you wanna talk?" Cas asks. 

Dean shakes his head, he was staring off into space. 

"Are you okay?" 

Dean hesitantly shakes his head, this time the action was subtle. Cas still saw it. 

Cas' gaze burned into the side of his skull. Can't he just look the other way? Can't he just stop being so caring and concerned?

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" 

Dean shakes his head no yet again. 

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" 

Dean thought about it, he didn't want Cas to ever go but he didn't want to admit it. 

A few seconds later he shakes his head no again. 

"Alright." Cas says before they both just stand there. 

Cas was keeping a close eye on Dean while Dean tried to hide the fact that he was still quietly crying. 

"Dean this isn't healthy, I can sense that you're highly upset and I want to help you. Now why are you crying?" Cas asks, he sounded soft and slightly saddened. 

Dean didn't want to answer, so he ignored the angel. 

But Cas' stare kept burning into him, making him answer. 

"You."

"Me?" Cas thinks about it, "What did I do? I'm sorry if I hurt you- what do you want me to do?" 

Dean gets choked up by the lump in his throat. 

Cas sees Dean staring at the ground again. 

"Hey." Cas says before moving to stand in front of Dean. Not too close. 

Dean could almost feel the body heat radiating from Cas. 

He couldn't control the urge inside of him. 

He wanted to scream out and tell Cas every single thing that was on his mind. He just didn't know how. 

"Dean." Cas' voice was still light and filled with concern. 

Dean swallows thickly before his mind overflows. 

His mouth however didn't want to form a single syllable so he lunges forward, his arms wrap around Cas' torso and he bury's his face in the Angels shoulder. 

Cas was taken aback slightly but Dean's action made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

Then Cas feels Dean crying into his shoulder. 

"Hold me." Cas hears the faint request and of course he was going to wrap his arms around Dean and hold him tightly, keeping him close. 

"Now do you wanna talk?" Cas asks a few minutes later when Dean had calmed down.

"Cas..." Dean says breathily as he pulls himself out of Cas' arms. 

"You can tell me anything." Cas says. 

Dean gulps, his muscles seemed to become less tense when he looked into Cas' bright Cerulean eyes. 

"I-" Dean tells himself to man up. He can't keep dealing with this deep-rooted pain in his heart. He needs to get it over with and hope that Cas won't punch him for it. 

"I love you." Dean says, he wanted to continue so before Cas could say anything, he did. 

"I love you so much that it hurts Cas, my heart aches for you and I just need you so badly. I know that you don't feel that way and I hate to ruin the best friendship I've ever had but I can't keep pretending like everything's okay when I'm falling apart. I love you, I need you, I want you. I want to tell you everything that's on my mind but I can't form words, just know it's a lot and it's all about you. You're constantly invading my mind and you're so perfect and caring and I love you so much- it's too much, I'm in pain because I love you so much Cas- can't you see what you do to me?" 

Cas stares at Dean in shock, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

Dean had gotten choked up on his words and he had let a few more tears fall. He usually didn't cry over anything but tonight he was destroyed. 

Cas pulls Dean into a tight embrace. 

"Dean, do you not realize that I love you too?" 

"What?" 

"Earlier I told you I loved you... I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable so I tried covering it up." Cas squeezes Dean tighter. 

"You like- love love me?" Dean asks adorably. 

"Yes. A million times yes." Cas says with a fond smile. 

"I- I need to tell you-" Dean pulls himself back to look at Cas, "I need to tell you everything. It doesn't feel right if I just tell you that."

"Go ahead." Cas says, he still had his arms wrapped loosely around Dean's waist. 

Dean proceeds to tell him everything, every want or need he's ever had about Cas was spilled, he needed to rid all of the weight from his heavy heart. 

The whole time Cas was smiling at him, it was a cute little smile with one corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes seemed to shine even brighter.

"I like the idea of cheesy little dates with you." Cas says making Dean roll his eyes in fake annoyance, even Dean couldn't fight the smile on his lips. 

The moonlight that was shining on them made Cas look as impossibly perfect as always. His messy hair and sharp jawline was outlined with a blue tinted light. 

Dean thought that Cas looked absolutely gorgeous in the moonlight, well Cas always looked gorgeous to him but still. 

"I'm so in love with you." Dean says softly. 

He wraps his arms around Cas' neck as he stares at him with fond, loving eyes. 

Cas tightens his grip on Dean's waist. 

Dean studied every aspect and feature of Cas' face. He was so beautiful it almost wasn't fair. The angel was freaking perfect in every way. 

Dean didn't know what he liked best about Cas, because he loved everything. 

He flicked his eyes back up to meet Cas' and they were suddenly so close, Dean could feel Cas' warm breath fanning his face as they inched closer. 

Dean's stomach knotted in anticipation and butterflies seemed to be an understatement. 

His eyes shut softly as his lips brushed against Cas'. 

Dean could almost die happily just from the simple contact, that contact alone shot electricity through him. 

Cas made the move to press their lips together, they seemed to fit together perfectly. 

It lasted a few seconds before they mutually pulled away. 

Neither of them could speak for a few minutes. 

"I love you so much." Dean says. 

"I love you too Dean, more than you could ever imagine." Cas replies. 

"Just say you'll love me forever, because I don't know what I'd do without you..."

"I'll love you forever Dean, that's a promise." 

"Don't ever leave me." Dean says before tugging Cas closer. 

"I don't plan on ever leaving you." Cas lets Dean pull him in. 

And as they kiss in the moonlight, everything seemed to fall into place. 

Dean didn't feel so empty or alone. Cas was there now, and he wasn't leaving. 

Cas was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed this, I'm trash I know. I just love me some Destiel. 
> 
> Check out my other fics/oneshots, there's lots of Destiel feels. 
> 
> Please comment or leave kudos, I love feedback and constructive criticism.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Xx


End file.
